Week 2 Run 1 – The One Where I Breathed

Another week (the second week), another podcast (the second podcast). It was quite exciting to listen to something different this time, and to have Laura congratulate me on finishing the first week. Apparently I’ve got over the first hurdle. Seemingly she’s made the next hurdle out of razor wire and bloodhounds just to keep me on what’s left of my toes.

Actually it wasn’t too horrendous this time. 90 seconds of running followed by 2 minutes of walking was the order of the day, so I think it was probably only 9 minutes of running in total; one more than last week, but not so much as to kill me. Although come to think of it, the last minute or so was the most painful. That wily Laura, just getting me enough fitness to keep killing me every week, whilst gradually working me up to running longer and longer distances. She’s either a great personal trainer or the main antagonist from Saw.

My favourite part of this podcast was when she told me how to breathe. Genuinely. It wasn’t very helpful, though, because I think my run-addled brain didn’t understand what she was saying. From what I understand when my foot hits the floor, I count to four and breathe in, then count to four and breathe out. Trouble is, I don’t know whether it’s supposed to be four steps, or four steps with a particular foot (eight in total, I have two feet whilst Laura lets me), or four beats of the music (which always seems to go too fast to run in time to unless I was a hyperactive gerbil). In the end I counted steps; sometimes four, sometimes eight, five worked for a while. Basically, I breathed when I needed air, a system which has never failed me thus far.

No Fake That this week, although the last track for running was definitely Fake Paramore. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a Paramore song, but I know enough to know that that wasn’t them. The song that they give you to listen to you on the warm-down walk included the lyric “Go the extra mile”, which I thought was very unfair and made me want to track down the lead singer and punch him in the face; lovingly of course. As proof that the song has incredibly mixed messages, the bridge included the line “I will take you there, let me take you there”. This made me want to track down the lead singer and take him up on the offer in future.

At the end, Laura told me I did well (although I think she says that to everybody) and that I could reward myself with some water and a piece of fruit for the energy. Well, stuff that, Laura – until you come up with a Couch to 5kJ eating plan, I’m having a brioche. So there.

Benedict Stumblebatch